sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
