i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
