the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
