I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
