i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
