Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dick very happy bro
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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