I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
