he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
