how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
