how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
