she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize