someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
