And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
