You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
being pregnant is like rehab
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
