Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
