My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
