We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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