My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
