sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
