my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
