i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
