Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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