She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
