I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
