I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
