This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the condom got lost in my hair
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
