So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
