Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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