God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
