That's intense
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
