david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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