just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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