Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
