He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
