Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
