what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
