someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
