Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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