Yo dont text me then not text me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
