i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
