On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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