I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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