yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
