Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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