doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
