Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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