no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
