i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
