is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
