She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
