i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
