There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
